Extra Terrestrial View

2006-08-16T07:21:00.000+08:00

LoL. dont know if i should laugh or. just remembered the feeling . of looking forward to school everyday ; just to see you once more . lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

= / . ihate u

2006-06-27T10:12:00.000+08:00

its been awhile. since i've talked to her. seen her. when that new guy came along i told myself i had to give up. well i wont know how it goes till i actually meet her up again.
So yea. i met another angel recently anyways. hope i can shower her with my utmost attention bleah. though it probably wont work out. we'll see.

and fifa's the thing. i wana win ^^'
and whoever woulda known im so emo; loL. i hate to show it. esp infront of my <3 i guess =/

2006-06-12T04:17:00.000+08:00

i haven't been exactly busy. yet. Neither have i been studying; for as far as i remembered. i totally lost interest in it ever since i decided to help her 2 weeks before her birthday about 3 mths ago. Sup with that huh. Never gotten over her and all. who would though such childish love could leave me so shattered. so it seems i cant forget, and yet i'm only called when im needed. treated like Trash.. not a good feeling. not at all..

I've decided to give up on <3 then. i'll give my 101% in cs during the coming holiday i guess. i shld be able to forget her then if im really committed to something else. And today is another sleepless night where i could just enjoy the songs till i get weary... Cheers all :)

2006-05-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

lol..lol?..lol-.-...?...im confused. lost. duno duno duno lol.

the type of guy u like <- u treat me as your good fren thats why u're telling me . or? -_-? -.-
roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

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roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

zz u're happy thats y im smiling , but its not me that made eu happy and thats y im bleeding.

:luckyguyttstoleher<3: lolo

roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

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roflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTERroflCOPTER

2006-05-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

:) . u treat me as your good fren after all. i kept my promise. i asked. and i dont think i can take it. gona keep away from u then ? lol. friend...=S ... !**@@((

Next song up : Backstreetboys - Drowning

2006-05-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

she's got her <3 , my blessing and my envy.
she wrote it on her nick. everything was made known. and so im letting go at last.

whoever who stole her heart is one lucky bastard.
and still i wish her happiness forever .

envy@ wed may10 2006 .

2006-05-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

i feel as if im missing something when i don't get to talk to her.

i feel empty when i don't get to see her.

i wonder from time to time what she is doing at the very moment;if she's ok. if she's sad . if she's hungry.

i feel like as if im on cloud nine when i hear her laughter.

And when's shes feeling down and doesnt wana share with me i feel as depress as if the world was gona end the next minute

i even feel as if i could do anything when i think of her. My goddess.

and i know deep down i'd still be happy as long as she is. Even if she does some stuff that hurts me bad.

And yet i'm trying to forget her. But still i can't.
Is this love? or just a crush. i dont know.
hating you is as difficult as loving you.

2006-05-09T16:11:00.000+08:00

85% now. when i feel its a 100 i'll ask. :0 . though i wish we were more than friends but its prolly not possible :<

2006-05-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

ok 70% sure . friend. tats all. folks :) . we'll see how it goes.

2006-05-06T19:04:00.001+08:00

ok i'm thinking of the point again. we'll see what happens during these 5 days. and i'll ask on the weekened for sure. we're probably just friends thats all. yea. right . just friends. :)

2006-05-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

ok i was wrong. but then stuff she's doing is becoming so unexpected. she was never that warm before. and i've always thought of her as sweet. innocent. ANGELIC....

but now she's turning me round and round. or at least i am going in circles that i dont know whats going on. i feel like asking but i fear of the results. Whats really making me emo isnt the compy loss but you. dam.

There are days where u feel completely loss and now is such a time for me.
who will rescue me :( .

2006-05-05T11:15:00.000+08:00

time to pull out before it gets worst. i don't even know if its heading the right direction.
sounded so serious. probably because of him again. who cares. not me . or do i?. ah. u suck :(.

2006-05-03T08:18:00.000+08:00

i'm afraid of you. you broke it once , twice. but i cant take the pain thrice. i'm jus gona think we're close frens till i dont know. i'm afraid now. very =/ . because it wasn't easy to let u go ...

Stretched the fucking limits of my accomodating.

2006-04-21T23:30:00.001+08:00

i managed to keep away from her. i was reminded of my "level" when i saw some other "stuff". yeah. and back on the cab. i was wondering. Who was i suppose to decieve when i said i didn't like her anymore. It just seems like such an overnight thing. How was i to forget her overnight when its already been 2 years. .she was the only one in my <3 all these time. Even so . i fear there might be a 3rd year.
Cus i'll be seeing her more and such. i've been running away from the pain when i said i'd gotten over. and now . yeah.

And recently. i looked around. my friends. seems to me that romance has been reduced to sex. Too young too love?. What is love . i probably only know "Like". for i cant define Love.

well its the last thing i'll talk to a girl about anyway. im not good at these stuff =/ .
and i got to know this girl who keep associating everything with sex. its an ugly sight for me at least. sex is not beautiful w/o love.

tats what i think anyways. But still, i'd rather keep my childish front, it keeps me all happy at least :P.

2006-04-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

I gota keep the distance from her. yea. thats what im gona do. i cant take that same pain ever again. once is more than enough.. i'm sure she'll keep coming . but yea. just a gentle reminder not to get too close. cus i'd give in, knowing myself...

we'll see how it goes tmr. and again. remember to keep away :/

2006-04-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile. since her bdae i've been trying to hide my feelings all away. Even finding a new love. but to no appeal apparently. Its just that. i got hurt so badly with all the 1 sided stuff. that i had to give her up. i really tried my best and. yea. i manage to hid it well. and all.

I realise that when i talked to her on the phone about 1 or 2 mths later. though it did leave me feeling funny. otherwise i wouldnt blog . I realised. even after such a long time. im still so into her. And i also learned. to let it go . not totally. but just let it go.

Love. Its either she has the feeling for me or not. Its just that simple. So i've kinda gotten used to it. and all i wish is the best for her, im not hoping for anything but. Loving is such a painful process.

picking up would be easy. But would letting go be as simple?. im begining to doubt. and i might just stay single till i get an ans. . . when will that be?. . i wonder :) .

all the best to you kelly :)

2006-04-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

lotsa things happened. met lotsa new frens and it seems that i gave this impression of an ah beng. and that is like so not me. still , she is gradually disappearing from my mind..and i hope things will be going on as smoothly as ever. :))

2006-03-26T19:22:00.000+08:00

her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she her she......

Sunday March 26. my entire brain is revolving around her. seems like i feel much more attracted to her as time goes by. i still remembered the day..that was like a dream. But at the end of it, i went back to asking myself why?. how long more would it take...

Even if it turns out this way , i hope i can fall in love with you once more in my next lifetime...

2006-03-25T23:24:00.001+08:00

Its totally worth it !!! though the msg came unexpectedly. but still! though im not sure why i am getting overly excited over a simple msg . HEHE . =))

it really means alot to me huh .

oh and. remind me to quit smoking. sounds stupid but .why i really started was cus. the guy who was waiting for her was smoking as well. and i tot she like bengs or sometin lyk tat. so i started changing myself. guess she doesnt like smokers ?. and so im quiting. finding out why others cant quit is just secondary.

but for you. impossible is nothing.

2006-03-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not , i started counting down 2-3 weeks before it actually happened.
ironically , i dont even do that for my own bdae. loL

So the day came , and i helped out wif the stuff , all on my accord , i wasnt forced or anything and i have no complains. Only for her :). even my mom cant make me do stuff against my will.
haha. And yeah , i certaintly had fun. just looking at her smile. made me feel warm . the rest of the day i was just running up and down getting stuff or chatting with the rest.
and again , nothing compares to her .

Was kinda worried though when she hurt her toe . Later on , it was unbearable and she went to the doc. glad to see she was feeling much better when she came back.
eventually , after drinking and stuff...we went back. i wanted to send her back and all. but seems like she's still all no towards me. i couldnt sleep that night obviously. but after abit of thinking it seems all that matters is that she's happy. so i kinda came to terms with it. and i really wouldnt mind reducing my lifespan just to not let her get hurt anymore unlike before :)

[ Things were simple , she said no ..but i wouldnt let go . and it became complicated to me ]

2006-03-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

ok i like kinda had this philosphy thingy last night. it suddenly occured to me why i started gaming. Alrite. so here's how it goes. seems like the reason why i started was because of a general term : entertainment . like duh . but really, why i actually like gaming till now was because of the different things to explore. it was more of a feast to my curiosity. but overall. it was something that i could achieve in a short period of time.

yea. then it dawned on me. so why do gamers stop gaming. well im at that age now. it's kinda like. im actually worrying about my future . ok don't ask me why. cus its gona be like a computer that shows Error. simply put. i dont know why either. i just feel that way . it's like a feeling that i can actually put down gaming and work for my future. really hard.

And that was about almost everything i thought of before dozing off anyways.

The other thing would be her birthday. i'd probably =/ but yeah im all mentally prepapred for it.
well most importantly. is that she stay happy for the rest of the time and that's all it really matters to me. yea. . i just know it .

2006-03-18T01:12:00.000+08:00

And all of these are my thoughts deep down.

firstly , thursdays are so cursed. i lost my billabong wallet on a thursday , lost my favvvvvvv earstud on a thursday as well. and almost lost my specs on a thursday as wellllll. why am i losing things so suddenly? like how would i noe. its not like it ever happened. but watever. the only thing i would make a fuss about is her anyways. so . yeap.

then again. i haven been blogging ever since the last time i met her. and i talked to her again.
cus the most important event of student council in college east . is on the exact same date as her birthday. and im like really stucked in these 2 choices. obviously . i really really really want to go to her birthday . i even crapped out excuses already. but then the dude incharge kinda gave me the hint i would be kicked out or so if i didnt turned up.

so i tried to ask her. i was like. hey would it matter if i didnt turn up. and she said i would kill u. then i thought it was cus the pit tickets were wif me. and she was like i wont talk to u anymore.
ok. i swore my heart melted upon seeing these. really man. its like. gawd =/ anything for u. :) .

and thats what i truely feel. yeah . so i guess i m not turning up for the school event.

and why i nearly melted was coz i was soooooo sure she woulda go. nvm its kay then. but oh boy =/

2006-03-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

assuming that nobody reads this.. . ..

i really need somewhere to pour out my feelings. .
at this moment i really feel like telling you how much i still like you.how much my heart still thump for you.
how much i think about u every night. how i cant forget u. how i cant concentrate whenever u're around.

you're everthing t ome.even more important than me.

and yet. . i cant and the reason is because...the first time i told you,you wouldnt talk to me and stuff.
we became more like strangers than friends.and i was really hurt then.

so everytime i want to confess to you again.that occurs to me... i guess i might jus blow up with everything someday
butpleaseforgiveme.cusireallyamintoyou....

[1 1/2 years down the road and.. shes.grown.even.more.beautifully.but.im.still.the.uglyswan.that.can.only.watch.from.afar]

2006-03-03T20:55:00.000+08:00

well. i couldnt take it anymore. and i jus say blew everything out.

even if she said so. i'd prolly continue waiting. and still waiting :))

dont ask me why. cus i wana noe too.

at least i feel a single little weeny bit better. unless she starts ignoring me again.

then u get to see me on newspaper headline HEHE . :

2006-03-03T09:16:00.000+08:00

And..it happens once more again.

Usually, when you dream ..you had probably forgotten it the moment u awake.

..this dream..hurts so much , that i can remember it so clearly. and even the pain remains.

turned out almost as if it was a nightmare.

cant believe i still love her so much . . so much till the pain felt like it was a thousand daggers stabbing me . .

yea. . but it would be crap if we couldnt even be friends. so i'm gona jus stand afar and wish her happiness once again. . .

2006-02-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

...im lost for words =/.

i'm so into her . so much so that. even when she says she likes this guy and such. i feel pain yet being happy for her.

gawd :/ . . i dont even mind just watching her from afar now. i'm really satisfied with my little bit. and all i hope is for her to be happy , yeah. thats all.

and that is the little wish i have been making for almost 2 years already :)

im such a . L O S E R zz :(

- her words were like heart peircing arrows . i'm out.

2006-02-13T17:23:00.000+08:00

My teacher is like . one of the best i've seen around. he's like really caring about how the students fare and such.

i mean , its my own problem if i skip all the lessons and such. Eventually the one who would suffer would be me.

But this teacher , goes out of his way and really help me to see the bigger picture.
and now , i've decided not to skip anymore classes and not to dissapoint him again.

and of course i really appreciate him .

2006-02-02T20:19:00.000+08:00

i haven't been to school for 4 days in this week already.

still , i enjoyed my week and of course , today :)

though it was a a short time but i realise i still felt the same.

n

[Truth is._..I.Never.Got.Over.You]

2006-02-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

i tried to shook it off so hard. but it just seems to be stucked.

honto honto ni dai suki

yllek

2006-01-23T06:43:00.000+08:00

man. everytime i remember how desperately i try to keep my cca . and the effort i took is like just the opposite .

seriously , i need to buck up from being an lazy arse. come on :( somebody help me

i dont wana lose my student councillor cca :( ....

Good Luck on my determination . :) ...

....searchin for my romance ...

2006-01-16T07:08:00.000+08:00

reality comes in and impacts me. there's only 2 things that matter to me now.
My Dream and my studies .

thats my new year's resolution.

2006-01-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

its been One year since. And i am still stucked at where i left off.

Time will heal wounds. and at the point where i thought i had left it all behind.

i was wrong. i felt the pain as vividly as before.

then i realize i had been running away from reality.

i want a solution...

2005-04-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

I 'll believe..
I 'll wait...
I 'll trust..

Because u showed me how it was done.

Because u gave me the solution.

And definetly because u allowed me to hear her voice again.

U dont know how much it means to me

Thank you , Lord =)

2005-04-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

Wee .. a nice day at east coast turned ..erm..interesting ? lOls.

So this is what happened.

Jaslin and Dixxie and me met up at the Fair price ...at the shopping centre opposite paya lebar mrt station.. i don't know what's the name though haha. Anyways , it was going to be a activity week for the cell group. Jaslin planned to go kayaking at east coast beach. And all of us were excited.

So , all of us meet up at the Fair price first to get ingredients to cook after kayaking . Bought eggs , instant noodles , canned chicken curry , sausages , crab meat. As we were getting the food products , derrick , garrick , kenrick and weisheng came too .

Soon , we paid the stuff and got outta the shopping mall. Then went to the nearest bus-stop . We waited for Asher and Joey . And after they arrived , we took the bus down to marine terrace. Then we walked quite abit to east coast. Was kind of far , but since we were all chatting ; it pretty much covers up the tiring distance .

After reaching , most of us unpacked the stuff. Then , some of them went to rent the kayak. All of them were single..except for me and dixxie. We were on the double kayak thing. Joey and kenrick didn't wana play , so they looked after the stuff.

After we rented the kayaks..we had to carry it to the shore . Me and dixxie had the double one which was heavy and both of us were struggling. And the rest of the guys took the single one..and it was much lighter. So the way they carried compared to us , made us looked weak and puny =/.

Anyway..our forte was complaining. And it gets us through all the time. So heck it. After 15 mins of complaining and slogging. We finally get to start paddling out. we had the " chiong arh! " expression, and in no time all of us were like paddling out in the sea.

Both of us had funny ideas like every few seconds. One of it was to paddle out , face the rest . Then take out our drinks kept in the pocket and make them envy us. But before we even got out of sea. 1 big current swiped pass and we flew right back into the shore . Both of us with sand in our mouth or something.

For a moment , we were stunned . Then we stared at each other and laughed so hard that we choked. We are saddist , somehow we're always laughing at misfortunes.

Anyways , we got out to sea in no time again... this time we managed to stable the kayak. So , we went chasing the other Cell group members. Wei sheng was like " WOOSHHHH " and then he disappears at top speed. Everyone was paddling together and only dixxie and me was exploring.

And this is where the disaster started.

After chasing weisheng for awhile , we were both tired and since there was a nearby tunnel . We decided to check it out. So the tunnel was like just enough to fit us.. and then we started paddling in. Halfway in , we saw a man catching oysters inside. And we were chased out and scolded . Because kayaks aint allowed to be in that area.

That wasn't that bad , cause we were wrong in the first place. Anyhow , we paddled out. Just outside the tunnel , we poked our oars down into the water . And we realised it was quite shallow. So feeling bored , the both of us agreed on diving in.

And.. so we went in.. and ...HALLELUJAH...below was like full of sharp rocks and corals. And both of us started screaming because our feets were getting cut. Immediately , i held on to the overturned kayak and lifted my legs up , but the current hit the kayak and i got a big wham.

Dixxie got washed by the current into a hole with even more corals and he got cut a little more severly.

After 10 minutes of struggling , we finally got back up the kayak. With cuts over the legs and hands , Sea waters choking our vision. After settling and getting used to the pain , we looked at each other and started laughing real loudly . At the same time complaining about the pain.

The people nearby the shore were staring and laughing loudly..probably at us..cause they saw the kayak capsize...

Man , singaporeans ..what happened to the compassionate heart towards 2 poor injured innocent kids. =(

Anyways , after that..we decided to head back to shore. But we didn't know where to go. So both of us just decided to paddle out and try our luck.

This entire luck thing took us 2 hours before we finally reached back.

Nice day we had.

Oh ya , p.s - DIXXIE SAT AT THE BACK , THAT MEANS HE SLACKED HALF THE TIMES . AND ....THE NEXT DAY I WOKE UP WITH 2 STIFF ARMS .

And lucky , my friend that i invited refuse to come..even though i wanted her to =(

If not...=/ she's gona hate me or someting =O

2005-04-23T01:24:00.000+08:00

Even if it takes forever....
Even if its impossible...
Even if....

Everything will change...
but what remains will be my stubborness..

* * * * *

2005-04-19T17:43:00.000+08:00

Great! P.I.E teacher had meeting and we were released early today. 3 hours of CME lesson gone. H U R R A Y ! . Everybody was screaming at their top of their lungs when they recieved the news.

Now you know how much P.I.E lessons sucks =/

So i left school at 1 p.m . The gates to the bus-stop were closed =/ . And that means i will have to walk like 1 round . And of course i won't. So i happily walked myself to the gate. Then i climbed the gate ....But holy shit , i didnt realised that the metal bars of the gate that i use to support myself were friggin hot. And the fact that it's black in colour didn't help obviously .

And so , i ended going home with 2 scalded hands.

And pretty much ends my boring day at school.

- Late for lesson , Early breaks , See " chiobus " , gossip " , discuss where to go after school " -

thats a typical day =.="..

B o R i N G . I might get early holiday zZz. Crap . and by the way it means DEBARRED. or temporarily suspension or retaking the whole course .

== " someone console me please. LoLx

2005-04-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

I rather be kept in the dark then to be in the truth

to hate than to love and thats because reality hurts

Only a little bit more of hatred , if only i had it...

With my will in my hands i shall live and fight

Till that day may my smile not be diminished .

2005-04-18T11:51:00.000+08:00

Followers of god that have found favour in him will prosper.

-> Barely passed my tests ; this might not be my kind of thing afterall :(

-> Regrets for not treasuring the old days that i thought was sucky :((

the distant night was cold and lonely ...and all that was in my head was you...

2005-04-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

Mmm..my blogging habits are getting shaky again . Oh well. Been busy this week , as usual. I didn't go to school on monday again , because i had to remove my stitch. Went to the hospital in the morning , and waited like for 2 hours ; oh mi gosh. But the nice doctor removed it slowly for me . And there wasn't any pain or whatsoever =)

Then in the afternoon , i went to cut my hair. And my big mouth got me into crap again. Well , i told the barber to T R I M . And she did a nice job trimming. Except that i thought it was still kind of long , so ... i said , " hey , can you cut a little shorter ? " . And the next time i looked in the mirror. My hair at the back was on the floor. HOW NICE. Next time , i think i got to bring a dictionary along to show what " LITTLE " means.

Anyways , that was that. I went back to school today . And the guys were as retarded as ever . " HEY IVAN , why didnt you come on monday ? " , " WOOOO you cut your hair ! " . blah blah blah.

FYI : i look like a friggin Coconut head.

So the wait of 2 long months begins.....

Till then...i'm gona hide in my house till my hair grows back.

Eww i sound like a freakin' vain person. Nah , just kidding . I couldnt be bothered anyways .Haha

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felt like commenting about the charity . And so i will. Well , the advertisments they broadcast. Makes it seems like people are donating to win the prizes they're giving out.

Well at least to me it seems. Seems like it covers the motive of being kind and compassionate , and therefore donating. So , the next time you want to donate ; think of the reason behind it. Otherwise , what's the point . Yeah?

2005-04-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

School was a horrendous 12 hours session today. Actually , by the time 3 hours passed , i was already like dying . But in my situation ; either way you'll lose out . And the worst part of it is that you can't get a hold of what you have missed previously.

Not to mention , i totally screwed up in pneumatics class. I was suppose to fix up a board to move the pistons using air. But somehow i fixed it wrongly . And the piston move backwards accidentally clipping the fingers of the teacher who was marking my board. Oh , boy i screwed big time yeah.

It was just crappy , long and boring. But as long as it seems , time still passes quickly. The only interesting part of my day , was my cca meeting. My cca , the archery club was going to begin training in early may.

Its like , finally , oh my gawd . 5 months of long waiting . I only got a shot at it like few times during the orientation. So , there was around 2 hours of briefing . I don't know how , but the Teacher-in-charged sure had alot to talk about. But basically he was talking in rounds.

Anyway , after the long and disgusting briefing , we had a few rounds to meddle with the equipments. And everyone was like , " Yay , At last can play " . And then , we were released .

And now , i'm back home ... entering this entry. And i'm about to shut down any moment..now...

..... too tired that i'm crappin. - - '. L i f e . s t i n k s. - P e r i o d - .

- Nanka Shiawase - i wished i had it too..... ohhh mann...envious T.T...

)( Its in dreamland that i can see euu. )( - - .

2005-04-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

So much things to do , so little time . During the 5 days of rest , i missed many things that happened in school. I had to catch up with all the boring subjects that makes me even more bored than before .

How interesting =.=. Okay , i was pretty much slogging through the night. Recently , i discovered a very annoying little problem i had. I could only study in the night. Don't ask me why ... i'm no where close to being nocturnal before ... i think . haha.

As i was saying , i could only study in the night . And that is fine with me . However , the problem lies in the fact that i couldn't sleep in the day . And if i couldn't sleep in the day and am studying in the night. When the heck am i suppose to sleep =.=.

Ok so i'm like em , tired. Brain dead. Mentally and physically abused.

Lets see , oh ya ; i found new hobbies. Eat , sit on chair , watch tv , Eat somemore , watch tv , Eat even more.

At this rate , i won't even be able to take a 0.5% step closer to passing my NAFA . How nice . =.=
nothing seems to go right this week. Especially my diet . I've learn to be cautious bout it. But honestly, i can't be bothered more or less. Either way , I'm gona pray later on . And even though i'm not suppose to pray as a last resort. i guess i'm doing it again . =.= But it works , indirectly.

So i guess..thats all . Oyasu Minasai mina. <- side effect of watching too much japanese animation . Can't blame me =(

It just doesn't get into my head even if i know its not possible . What is my problem =.=" . Irritating.
- That dream...i couldn't forget about it because...because.....-

2005-03-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

Operation's scheduled at 7.30am today. And for a great start , i went 1/2 hour late. How nice. Anyways when i reached , i changed into an oversized pyjamas . And my pants were like practically dropping. But no one bothers , so heck it .

Then i got loaded on the wheel chair and was pushed to the ward to take some injections or something. Anyways , i was grinning away while on the wheel chair. For some reason , i couldn't stop. And the nurse was like , are you okay?

After that i got my anatastic jab. Even though it didn't work for nuts , because i was still like wide awake after that . Okay , so the nice nurse let me panick outside the operating room for like 15 minutes . Then after that she pushed me in. Okay , not panick . Its just to let the anatastic work. i'm just being lame.

However , it didn't work. So , okay i was awake the entire thing. i could see a scapel going pass my forehead then i can feel something . How nice . And the first time , i said " ow " ; the doctor was like ... are you okay? . Then i found it fun. So what i did was say Ow every few minutes.
But eventually , i guessed the doctor got sicked of hearing it . So she didn't bother anymore.

After that , i got so tired of trying to figure out what was actually going on. So i just shut off and slept.

Overall , the pain came only after i was like really awake. After everything was completed.

And till now , i can open only 1 eye.

So what the heck , im outta here.

Cya

- Suki Desu - tooku hanareteru hodo ni chikaku ni kanjiterusamishisa mo tsuyosa eto kawatteku... kimi wo omottanara

2005-03-28T12:59:00.000+08:00

First day of school ~ ! Oh man..new subjects were up . So now i have to work with metal instead of plastic . Great . By the end of this i'm gona build up some muscules or something .

Anyway .. my nightmare came today . Failed my 2.4km AGAIN . Old and unfit already.
12 mins + was the limit. i finished it in 13 mins or so. And failed . And then i couldn't move anymore after that . Too tired to even use my brain . So i'm going to sleep right now.

-Too much Clouded thinkings
Cya T.T.

" If you don't like how he is treating you...then treat the other party better ...because you totally understand how it feels like to be neglected . "

2005-03-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

Easter service rocks!! , and the best part of it was that it 's held at the S.I.S (Singapore Indoor Stadium) . Otherwise i would have to travel to Boon lay if it was just a regular service.

Went there at 9 am and met up with a few friends at kallang. Truth was , i could'nt get to sleep the night before. Just too many thoughts , thats all. But i did manage to sleep at 4 am and dragged myself up at 7 am. And the amazing part was that i wasn't feeling tired while waiting for the guys who were as usual late.

Ok , i'll skip the queing part since its seriously long . Anyway service started off as usual , we sang songs and then prayed. Seriously , it's the most important part to me. I'm probably there just course of it . The Singing and Prayer part , really takes load of your mind. Miraculously , it sometimes heals you too . When you confess your sins that is. Mm , this is abit into the religion i guess.

But it works . and i'm glad , otherwise i would have been rotting on my bed from too much unnessarry thinking .

So after that , the Easter performance started . It 's really cool to see how much effort those guys put in! and the dance was superb too . Well , my poor friend got too excited and started blabbing and got scolded by the lady infront instead.

Anyways , after the service ended . We went to Suntec for lunch. Aww boring =( . And today was a fast one , usually we would go and tour other places after eating. But instead , all of us went back straight after.

well , my school starts tommorrow . And i'm trying my best not to worry or think about other things at the moment . But first i got to start by packing my " uberly messy + nobody wants to help clean up " room ...T.T...so ciao~

2005-03-27T00:54:00.000+08:00

Boring! ..its true it was a memoriable holiday , but what a way to end it ! It's saturday and all normal teenage should have activities . i think .

Anyway , the point is i spend my day rotting on the chair , then on the bed. Well , its a rainy day..and i would be ill-treating myself if i didn't sleep in such a cosy weather . Ok , i'm trying my best already..to make the boring day sound fun . Still...thoughts kept popping out..and i couldnt really sleep..

Boy ! school's starting on monday. And i've learnt from the previous term then i can't do last minute revision for the exams. This is cause i only have 1 chance. Unlike secondary days that is. So i'm pretty tense up just thinking bout new subjects. And again..my dumb mind had to start reminiscing about the old days...

Guess i got to learn how to get over and done with ..and start moving forward huh? . Though..i do tell myself alot of times that i should not do this and that . But the fact is i follow more of my heart then my brain. And the advice around me isn't helping for nuts.

Oh well..its all about complains on this entry. So to finish this chapter ...i've got a message for my friend...somewhere out there.. : " don't wait anymore ok..i feel the same and thats why i want to stop it...you'll only hurt yourself more when u find out the truth..so don't raise your hopes and..just..get over with it.. yeah..it's painful..but still..yeah its something you got to do. Forget ."

So...tata ~ got to get up real early tomorrow ..and i'm not going to make it if i don't catch some sleep now yeah? .=)

2005-03-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

It was fun today..i guess. Yeah.. Well probably be a long time till i get to see the guys again. And the friendship was rekindled almost immediately. Okay , so i guess 3 months seperation isn't that long . Still , i do wish to get to see the guys more often.

At least , i've learned to treasure them now. Well , seems like i took them for granted before. It just makes sense... i do get to see them everyday , so why would i bother. Seems like i'm only good at regretting huh ? oh well.

So , we met and went out today..obviously. 65% of the time was walking though. Yeah , we had fun and joked throughout the walk . Really interesting haha. i'll definetly remmeber this day.

Anyways , we had difficulties finding a cinema that has a suitable timeslot i guess . But eventually , we did find one. So , we got the tickets and then went to ate in the meanwhile.

We went to pizza hut , yeah and the guys ate hungrily . I'm kind of jealous the way june liang ate his food anyway . I bet he was enjoying it =) . Anyways.. after which we rushed back to the cinema to make it just in time . Thats about all i guess.

Yeah...and i've realised i can't " prophesize " anymore. More like i couldn't do it even before haha. But anyway..those thoughts don't come out anymore.

And " that " wasn't a nightmare...in truth is..its the sweetest dream i've ever dreamt of. Really....

2005-03-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

Talk about a long time , yeah its been long since i've last blog . But thanks to a reminder ; i've decided to come back .

Seems like keeping a habit isn't that easy . Blogging habit for me at least. I remmebered the good old times , where i could just pour out everything , like almost everyday . And at that time , i thought i could be able to come up with a bri-zillion topics to blog daily. Haha , naive O me .

Seems like a single topic these days , arent even possible. Well , life's getting boring i guess. Its school , home , school , home..oh man.. and the school isn't even a single bit tempting for me to attend.

But its responsibility over feelings i guess. Its not the same as the good old days ..where i went to school for another reason...just her appearance is enough reason.. haha .

So today's kind of fun. Kelly's birthday yeah...and few of the guys gathered at her house and blabbered away crap ..i hope it was a fun time for her. Well , its fun for me at least haha ^^ "

And .. 1 last thing .. i got caught up by a song.... Simple plan - Welcome to my life.. yeah pretty interesting lyrics.. typical sort of life style teenagers have i guess. Not really interested in that so much though , but still ; its 1 nice song i would reccomend.

So cheers guys , and till the next time :)

Self Reflection For Nuts

2005-01-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

School's starting on Monday. And all of the sudden , i decided to do a self reflection. And i realised , i have a lousy attitude and a crappy temper ..bleah. So , to get things started ; i prayed to god and hope he'd change me for the better. And then , miracles started popping out slowly, 1 by 1...and i did change a little. Well , most of times ; i had to control and restrain from bursting out. Stupid temper of mine ..burst even with the slightest provocation. Too much ego i suppose... got to work on that part then. An then , i remember a saying " a leopard never changes its spots "

Oh yes , a perfect phrase. Even though i did manage to stop being so moronic ..yet it was only for a short time. And then , i was back to square 1 ...yeah..so much for the "self-reflection ". And of course not to mention i have a seriously crappy determination. Willpower...a power that gets you through almost everything i might say.

As for me , i have willpower of course , like everyone else. Except for the fact that mine is special. Well an example would be , i'll not watch the 7 pm television programme today. And when it comes to 7 pm. i'll tell myself...hey its just 1 day im breaking the promise right? so it doesn't really matter.

Dang , so much for determination. Hope things work out though...since i'm determined this time..that i'll stop playing...OR...not playing so much... Heh , anyway learning the guitar to keep myself busy. But i know that the devil is going to lure me back to the deep abyss that i tried so hard to get out.... Anyway so much for worrying for nothing.

Well , was kinda bored so just laid back on the bed and had random thoughts. Well , my friends at the secondary school .. after their major this year. Hope , i can get back and see them. Hope i'll be close to them as before ; even though i think i will...for now. Well when it comes to the real thing , feelings are really different. So well , we'll see about it yeah? . And not to forget her...wonder what will happen after 1 year of no contact huh? . Well 1 year isn't neither long nor short ...still , people do change ; so we'll see after a year huh?

2004-12-20T11:58:00.000+08:00

Well , all along i've been wondering and brain storming about the possibilities of a person stretching out under circumstances. Someone slacky can just be pushed to another level and change overnight when he gets hit with a situation he'd never imagined. Real bad.

It did happen to me . Infact , i've learn a great lesson in this year. A year worth to remember ,2004. Regretfully , its only till this day that light have reached me. Well , i should have realised it when i was dropped from express to normal. The fact that i dropped , was really because i overestimated everything around me , and thought the possibility of going to normal will never really occur. And then , i still did not awoke to my senses , i continue to sink deeper into the abyss and still thinking i was going towards the right path.

Then , in 2004 , i took my N levels and got graded into ITE. Actually , i'm not suprised at all. When i got my results , i started playing back of what i've actually done in the very year and realise that i've nothing to argue against the fact that i've failed.

To summarized this up , the very 4 years that i've spent my time in secondary years are a wasteful one. I didn't realise and had nothing to clear my clouded mind and i continued to walked in a dark fog until i got hit real hard. I was ignorant , self-conceited and i underestimated everything around me.

i woke up , i guess. Its time to step out of my little dreams and work along with reality. Of course i feel dissapointed . But deep down , i knew i had it coming. Reality , the most important essence one needs to have.

And of course to my friends. One needs to be humble and has the willingness to learn . Being , self conceited and arrogance will only obstruct your path of knowledge.

Lastly , i pray that i can find the same burning passion to learn around me and with me as well again. The very same , desire and discipline , i once felt before ; the very one that i once failed to treasure. Amen

2004-12-03T15:04:00.000+08:00

The more i think about it , the more i feel its true. In the case of pampered people , refering to those people that have never gone through war. Lets start with me. Complaining about everything which seems to have the slightest significance . Well , then i come across something that weighs heavier. When i reach back to point one , i won't complain anymore . Just because i came across something tougher.

And same with the people around. At least from what i'm see-ing , the government. Okay , heres a fact. They imply laws and stuff , then only change them when they see a negative effect. It just seems they won't get shy if they ain't bitten by a snake or something. Not sure if this way of thinking is true but majority of the people are like that. Supposely. Might be biased but if its comparison with the older generations that have gone through war , its a different thing altogether.

I mean , look ; they treasure things more and not take life for granted. That's probably what they will live to an ripe age and not regret for.

So, is a war bad or not. Looking from this point of view , it shows that many things have pros and cons. No matter how big is it. Look , its war we're talking here. I suppose the only thing that weighs on this factor is the size of the pros and cons. Destruction that is caused in turn grants people the ability to treasure and understand.

Oh ya , although this has totally nothing to do with the topic here. Anyone got remedies for someone who is nocturnal ? .

2004-11-30T23:31:00.000+08:00

BBQ today was sort of great. Well , it didn't rain despite the threatening weather and the cursed weather forecast station. That was really good news . Yeap , we started out by slogging and dragging the bags of luggages . As if we were going to a new house. Nah , it was just a big bagful of food stuff and BBQ equipments.

Suprisingly , both the fun and most tiring part was the BBQ preparation process. "Slaving" seems to be fun although it really doesn't comes down to actual slaving. Us guys were just preparing while talking a load of crap to entertain ourselves. At least it worked i might say.

And of course , the most satisfying part is when we get to sit down and enjoy the BBQ food . Hey , i mean after slogging the preparations and stuff ; its time to enjoy what we reaped . Anyways , the rest of the guys came at almost the same time as us. Slowly , the people started flooding in.

The fun and joy was in the house ~. Well , we flooded ourselves with food , drinks and of course the music. Groovy i might say. And i'll never forget the adults that came. And complain . Haha , just kidding , great people they were...i supposed.

Well i think most people had their fun , while maybe deep down some people didn't. Its abit obvious with a little notice . Sure . I know.

2004-11-28T18:10:00.000+08:00

Family gatherings .... everyone comes together, sit down and chat. In general terms , we communicate and bond. Well , personally i ain't really supportive of it . Still , from a larger point of view ; is it really important to communicate?

From life examples , lets say .. school . Yeah , a school. Communications between a teacher and his/her students. From what i know it is important. People around me always say , "whether you get a good teacher or not, you have to study to get good grades". I suppose thats true , but only half. For me , a good teacher that talks to the students / communicates is a truly good teacher. i would rather have he/she as a friend rather than a higher authority person. But i'm still young and irrational and of course i don't get my piorities in the right spots yet. Hopefully , the day that i grow up comes quick.

Anyways , even as i feel communication between people is important ; i don't really much appreciate it. Well , i see my parents almost everyday . And what is there to communicate? nothing much really. The fact is that , its just really normal seeing my family. Well , i see them everyday don't i? what's so special then. I'll never get the point of family bonding yet , still i'm thinking trying to get a good view of it.

And it comes down to the recent family chalet.. my grandparents and relatives were all there.
Everyone was just sitting down eating , chatting . And they were just having a great time.

Ok , the weather in this part of the year , is supposely good yet horrid if u're going out..so do take care of your health and stuff...yeah?

2004-09-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for abit. Well lets see, today's topic is about customer service. Well , it is true that customers piority has to be placed first. Especially when you're the one earning the bucks. Kind of reminds me of the past , where people use to trade. Notes probably came about due to irrational trading. Anyways , i met a taxi driver today. And he turned the volume of music real loud. And when asked to lower the music , he replied that the speakers were at the back and he couldn't hear if he lowered it down.

Like hello? i'm the one paying you the cash. Still, being typically lazy , i got off with a loud bang on the door and thats all. Typical singaporeans , gives me the impression that they will take down the vehicle number and complain their heads off in the hotline. Well, another incident with another taxi driver was ; He was talking off his phone and almost crash into the front vehicle , cause he didn't see the red light. Great? yah?

A few blacksheeps spoil the entire flock's reputation. How true. Just one or two irresponsible taxi drivers like these can tarnish the Companys reputation. Speaking of which , my grandfather was a taxi driver too. Beforel he retired that is. I'm sure he's more responsible than the mention above. yeah. sure of it.

2004-09-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

Yucks. Imagine eating meat of a human. Wouldn't be so bad if we didn't know it what it was. It's just because we have the ability to get over with something quickly. Come to think of it, eating animals probably started out because we needed nutrients to supply ourself. Humans , the current dominating species on earth. Still, it shows our selfish and cruels act. What if one day, someone or something dominates us and hunt us the same way we are doing to the animals now.

How would we feel? Might be why there are vegetarians around. It is proved that without meat of other living creatures, we still can have sufficient nutrients and be able to stay alive. Living in fear all day wouldn't what we would want to experience. Besides, the older we are , the more things we experience and face. That is why wisemens are usually elders. They experience most of life and can see it from a point where it is high above. Just like being able to see earth from outerspace. We will be able to see a whole of it and understand more isn't it? . Indeed, they deserve the utmost respect from us.

At times , we lose control of our basic sanity and we release our temper on our kins and close friends. So , which is right and wrong. It is natural that the friend should just live with it as its a responsibility? Argh, i'm becoming more and more like a physcologist , OR a Psycho .

2004-09-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

While waiting for the bus at the "Bomb dropping area " , i noticed the cycle of nature. Nah, i was just exeggerating . The so called " Bomb dropping area " was just a bus stop with big trees beside. And what so special about the place is the constant dropping of fruits. These fruits were somewhat like berries, black on the skin and red inside.

The amusing thing was, there was an auntie beside me and as the berries dropped constantly onto the bus shelter, there were many loud clanks as the berries hit the metal shelter. And the auntie was like , " what the heck, 7 month?!" and gives the frightened look. Though, she realised what happened after awhile. Anyway, the entire place was littered with these berries. The floor could be seen redish black ; squashed berries .

And as for the nature thing, i realise that even though the berries spoil the bus shelter area, they act as food for the hungry birds flying around. And in turn, those birds shit on us. Weird eh? haha.

2004-09-15T21:49:00.000+08:00

My dad's back from Qatar. He went there for about 3 months due to his job. From what i know the temperature there is tremendously hot and cold. Well, its a desert after all. Anyways, the point is he cut his hair like those NS men. And when he steps into the house, i didn't recognize nor feel comfortable. Just like another stranger. Hmm, so appearance do counts after all.

But still, typical me. I lit up when he gave me a present. Honestly, during this 3 months ; i didn't really miss him. Probably due to the fact that when i was younger, he went overseas for a year. Maybe i'm used to it, but who knows? Still, there is a different feeling. you see, when he was away ; i was sort of in command in the house . Ah. the differences made, but i do miss him, he's my dad after all.

And, the exams are going on. I don't seem the least prepared. Not the least. i'm going through the cant be bothered sense of resposibility again. Probably caused my downfall in the past, and then my reason stepped in and pulled me out. Now, that reason is gone and aww i'm done for again.

Still, i won't totally slack around. Probably go through notes and tell myself to be disciplined. I also realise the major difference between the express , normal academic and the normal technical. Personally , i feel that the difference between the 3 streams are discipline qualities and not the intelligence. Yes, the express are able to discipline themself to study and so are a different group from the rest.

The importance of self-discipline , did anybody stress about this?

2004-09-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today , i realise how influential friends are. The important roles that they play in your life. Good or bad ones. Sometimes, they even widen your knowledge of the world; or even let you have nothing but fun.

Yet, some people corrupt your mind. I believed all of us were born innoncent and kind. It's just that people and things around us affect us adversly. Our surrondings and lifestyle changes us slowly and without our notice. Yes, someone who was probably the kindest person on earth when he was young can grow up to be an arsonist or something worst. Television , i believe is one of the major source of havoc.

Someone who watches a series of murdering episodes can just change his mindset. And the creator of the series might just be another kind soul around doing it for a living. It all comes down to the older generation. Whatever we inflict and do on the younger generations ; they learn and pay you back in the same coins , twice as hard.

And the cycle continues , one by one we all get trapped inside the vicious cycle. Vengeance and greed, i'll hit you and your descendents hit me back. What goes around comes around, the only factor is time.

The vicious world can yet be the cosiest world , its us that make us difference.

2004-09-08T21:33:00.000+08:00

2 subjects ; social studies and chinese N' level are over. Yeah, those guys taking N lvl's must be happy for sure.

Well, speaking of which, the prelims are starting just as the school re-opens. As worried as i am, i just can't find my reason to study. When someone besides you gives up, you'll feel almost about the same ; i suppose. Well, and yeah i like the way they seperate the 2 subjects from the rest. Infact, they should seperate more. More time to concentrate on the various subjects and also to focus. Works for most of the guys out that i suppose.

And, it's obvious that most of you out there are relieve that the first 2 subjects are over. Well, get a good one day break and return to studies ! Studying is just like playing a game. With practise you are perfect; yet if you slacken , your previous efforts are going to be wash down the drain. So , continue to work hard and hang in there.

Eventually, the day where your effort pays off will come. The day , where you look back into your life and realise that you had not worked hard for nothing . Yes, you will feel satisfied . Yet, how many people understands this? Saying this is way easier than doing it. Its easy to be talking and yet when it comes to actually doing something, the feeling is totally different.

I myself have experienced this upteem times. That is where my never ending tomorrows come in . I always tell myself that there is tomorrow and when the day comes, i realise i have to face reality unprepared , while i could have done it the other way.

2004-09-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

The closer we get to a person , the friendlier they become. The friendlier they become , the braver their acts will be. The braver their acts will be, they'll think its ok to stab us in the back. Yes human nature . Hah.

It probably occurs in animals too. Feeding animals , breeding them. For all you know , one day they will rise against us. Yes, today it happened. I walked pass a batch of pigeons and tried to frighten them. i merely walk towards them , but to my suprise they did not bother. Then, i tried jumping up and down like a moron ; some people saw me and i pretended i was doing something else. Soon, the pigeons became to move away . I remmeber, 10 years ago ; a movement from me would meant the entire cluster flying.

And now? we feed them and their getting braver. One day, we might be attacked by the mass flocked of residential pigeons . Yeah, or maybe the crow attack which has already happened. Scary isnt it? One day , there will be cockroach attack , ants infest or maybe even the rise of the creepy crawlies. Hmm, seems like i'm getting paranoid and a part goes to television.

Ah , the exams are getting up my sleeves. For some particular reason, i'm not studying though. Seems like i lost all purpose to do so. My reasons , my encouragement. Yes, i'm at a total lost. I don't like wasting my life away and yet i don't know what to do.

My queries will be answered and all i need to do is to be patience.

2004-09-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

Something that keeps you occupied for hours without noticing is called Addiction. i can easily get hook up big time with anything that i have interest in, most probably occurs to everyone. Yeah, the madness. For me, i get hooked up with games big time when i was younger. Not to say i don't play anymore , but not as much as before.

Yeap, and it all comes down to studies. Sometimes, i wished i was borned with the gift and interest to study. As known as N E R D. One time, i kept blabbering about it and the teacher told me , studying stinks; its the way u study that gives u the grades. Study Smart not hard. Yes, how true. Simple things like paying attention daily, doing your work in class with effort makes all the difference in the world. Little things like these , builds up and form 1 big effort.

Still, as much as we complain; life has to go on. Time doesn't wait for anyone , so make use of all the time you have to do something that leaves a record . For example, getting a high grades . It will affect your life. Depending on how good your grades up, the standard of your life changes. Still, miracles do happen and the world is so unpredictable.

And the part where i haven't blogged for the few days , i was busy reading up for the near exams. Yeah, wish me luck; cos' i'll need it

2004-09-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

I just realised i'm no different from a turtle in the well. All i can see is the sky directly above me. In another words, i have narrow view of the world. Even at times, i feel i know almost everything. Still, there is always something to prove me dead wrong.

I have secondary 3 friends who take A maths, they talk of topics which i myself don't understand. Friends that are under lawyer courses , i told them i wanted to be a lawyer. And they replied that it is easy ; ONLY 15 points . Even worst , some of my friends are owners. I have one who owns a angel reborn ( its a pub ) at mustafa.

Sometimes, i'm just so envious of them. For, comparing with them ; i know nothing about the world. And the most interesting is, despite their dept of knowledge; they do not know what they posses compared to others. This is something that we should be thankful for. God implanted this something within us. This is why some of us are humble.

At times, i feel that i have to step back into reality. Ambitions are dreams that doesn't exist unless we work for it. Being realistic isn't bad, at least you won't take a wrong step into being complacent.

And i also realised, television play a big part in our ideology. At least, for me . I'm highly influenced to what i see from the television. Besides, discovery channel that is. Different variety of people exist in this world. And what makes us unique is because we are all different.

And of course the fact that we are wiser as we grow . How would you like to be a 10 year old with the wisdom of a 100 . Wouldn't that be cool?

2004-08-31T21:41:00.000+08:00

Songs are a great essence of life. It can affect your mood adversely . Real scary , if you ask me. Today i was sitting around in the school. Was wondering if i will miss the school on graduation day. Initially, it was a 100% NO ( except for the students) . Then, the juniors started dedicating music to their teachers.

Slowly, the memories started falling into place and i felt i will miss the school so much. Seriously, i would rather hate the school than miss it. At least it will spare me the antagonizing pain of leaving something precious. Afterall , picking up something is much easier to dropping something you once held.

God, spare me the pain. As if the slight pinch of leaving the school isn't enough. Sometimes, i find songs a thorn in the flesh.

Anyways, the world wouldn't be what it is if there weren't songs around. Songs are also use as a form of communication. i do know of brilliant artists that compose songs that proposes messages indirectly to the world. Still, some songs discriminates races and of course the deep meaning within it is unknown.

To me however, i only listen to it for entertainment. Infact, i've only done things for interest. That to me is most important.

Recently , i heard lots of " life is unfair " . It set me thinking ; if god was the creator of lifeforms, then it wouldn't be unfair. Some of us are more lucky than the rest. The reason is probably because He has to balance the odds in this world.

Its just like playing a game. Using cheat would make the game unfair and therefore spoil it. Therefore there are cons and pros . Life is just a bigger picture. Just that, how many people can understand and stop complaining? Me? i'm still complaining .

2004-08-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

To be able to think of the wider picture instead of the small one. To be able to foresee the near future , wouldn't that help to improve an outcome alot? I wish one day , i would be able to see life in this way. That way, there will be so much less mistakes around.

Still, wrong-doings are a part of our life. And we are suppose to learn from our mistake. Sad to say, most of us learn it the hard and slow way instead of the easy way. That includes me, irrationality in the fits of anger is such a sin. If only i took a moment to look and analyse the situation; the outcome would have changed for the better.

Most of the time, i find myself regretting rather than cherishing. Yes and the sad thing is, i could have done something about it. I hoped one day, when my time is almost up, i will be able to reminisce all day long.

There will be a day where all of us have to leave this world. So , why not make it a happy one? would you rather people cry over your death? i would rather they are sort of happy, not in the sacarstic manner but just happy. Life is short, don't make it more miserable.

and damn, my blogs are getting shorter and shorter.

2004-08-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

The higher you climb , the harder you fall. This applies to alot of stuff around us. And the most important part isn't about how fast you climb, but how quickly you pick yourself up from the bad fall.

Someone who is sucessful is probably something like this. Personally, i feel that we should risk for any opportunity and then if we fall; pick ourselves up and get on with life. People might think i'm impatient and reckless. But i beg to differ , after all ; without risks there is not opportunity. Well, however unreasonable it sounds , this is me. Afterall, you're suppose to strike while the iron's hot.

On the other hand, i have a bad habit of not practising what i preach. Most of the time, i would rather sit back and observe before making a move. Unconfident of myself i would say. Whereas, there are people around that are 100% or even more confident of themselves.

Yes, i've withness loads of it. I cant think how they are able to stand it . Watching it was bad, wouldn't the person himself feel worst? well , you can call them daring or tough ; but i ain't got the time to care. Life's all about moving on afterall.

At the end of the day, we'll all learn something. Whether trivial or important, as long as we put a good use to it.

2004-08-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

Today is one of the greatest day in life.And why? Well, it can also be called a stress relieving day. But In the first place, i don't have much stress . So i would rather name it as a fun day.

Well, if screaming off your heads , laughing and yelling at the same time with your friends isn't fun, than i don't know what is. Yah, i went to the lan with my friends . Probably to some of us , would be an event to take studies off our mind for abit.

If someone would to ask me whether i want to be quiet and matured like an adult or rather yell and shout and have fun all day like a kid, i would have chose the second option. But thats for now, one day someone might change my ideology.

Even so, life is short. Probably because unhappiness last longer than happiness. Most of the time, i would rather remmeber the happy moments of my life. At least it will make me feel what i have accomplished or rather, the reasons and impact i made in this world.

I wonder how it will feel like, to be at the age of 80. To see your offsprings , To see how your generation prospers. I think, i will probably feel satisfied. No worries, No troubles . Its just time for me to sit back and relax.

Still, Isn't life ironic? Well , from the age of 1 to maybe 20, we get to relax. And from the age of 20 - 50 we strive to create our career and life. We had probably remmebered this 30 years probably because most of the hard things in life comes in. And then when we reach 70 over years old, we become almost close to kids again.

Ah, Life is weird , full of mysteries. Otherwise, wouldn't the days be boring? Or would we behave like robots ; one without emotions , a slave.

2004-08-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

Stress? for four years in a school. Four freakin' Carefree years. And only till now did i realise what is stress. Should i be ashamed or be ignorant? The reason why i never felt stress before was because , in my eyes ; the right teacher haven't entered my life yet.

And what is the right teacher? someone who i respect yet treat her like a friend. Someone who makes me feel guilty without scolding me. Yes that is a dangerous teacher. Silent and dangerous i might add.

And now , in my fourth year ; i meet not one but three of these teachers. How unlucky or rather lucky. I can easily just chunk away all my daily work to the side , but each time; i think of the consequences and i definetly would not want to get into their bad looks. Which spurs me on to do their work without another option.

And when they give too much work, stress enters my life. It's probably no different from driving me to a dead corner. I can't ignore their work and can't complete it either. Luckily, i have friends and at times they act as stress relievers. Although i never believed in relieving Anger as stress on friends , i do it sub-consiously and i am ashamed.

And to my good friend clifford, His stress come mainly from competition. If we would just aim for a pass , it would have been meaningless. Competition is probably the last thing that will make him give up everything that he once held. That is how competive he is. And i can understand that because at times, when i score badly ; i feel the exact same " stress " .

In case you have been wondering what our " stress " means , it is a feeling that makes you feel that nothing is worth holding on to and we want to give up almost instantly. Yet deep inside us, there is a deep blazing soul , so fierce yet refuse to emerge out of us. That is probably our Fighting spirit for studies.

To summarize this, it means that we are at a loss when we lose the competition and we want to give up badly, yet there is a feeling that makes us hold on to everything .

And the worst part of it, we don't know what we should do to proceed .

Yes, this feeling is frustating and antagonizing. Yet , one day ; the right moment will appear and we will emerge as scholars. We will study our head off and give ourselves more stress.

And as for the results, of course we will be happy when we get more than a pass. A distinction i might add. Still , comparing the results and our " stress" ; it isn't worth the same .

But, we listen to our heart and of course , do the so called " right " thing.

Man is ambitious which is good , which gives us a reason to hold on to what we posses now.

But over ambitiousness kills , and not to mention losing everything that you once hold dear.

2004-08-26T21:56:00.000+08:00

Would one die without entertainment? The technology we have these days enables us to have a vast variety of television programmes. A boring day can be solved with just a button away.

Its getting simpler these days. But as our technology advance, the greed in mankind will take another level. Imagine what will happen if a man of modern technology is put into the ancient days where there is no television nor radio. Will he be able to survive without his comfort and entertainment?

He probably could. Although it might take time, it is one of man's greatest ability that he can adapt in any situation. As far as i know, Before the invention of television programs and movies, people sought entertainment in the theatre, watching plays as a form of leisure.

Even today, plays are still relevant in society and they have withstood the challenge of modern technological inventions such as Television. The thing that makes a play more interesting is that it gives a more intimate feeling.

The scenes are flashed out and it creates a greater atmosphere when there is a crucial part in the play. Whereas, the television is just a screen that plays a setting with actors, thus the difference.

Still, no one knows how long plays will last and only time can answer.

2004-08-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

Piracy? Piracy is supposedly a copy of an original art peice. Well, people do it probably because it is easier to obtain and of course for commercial purposes. Especially when the living standards of singapore is high, who wouldn't go for cheaper stuff? The amount of Big sales are living proof.

Still, it is illegal to do so. Copying someone's work is tantamount to stealing from a shop. Imagine you spend a week or two , maybe even years to create something. And in just a few days after you release your hardwork, it is copied and sold at a cheaper rate.

How are you going to earn this way? All your hardwork would then be flushed down the drain overnight. Even worst, if you are going for appreciation and not cash.

Yet, all man are selfish. We don't practise what we preach. We do not want others to take what we deserve. Even so, we do it to others. Whatever that is worthless to us might be precious to others. So please think before doing something, that's at least doing something right.

If you don't want to be stab in the front, don't stab others in the back.

Thats true all right, retributions do exist. Just in indirect forms. Maybe i'm being paranoid, but my thinkings won't change for the moment.

Remember...God has great foresight to be able to create the indirect linkings of events around us. Cheers Singaporeans~

2004-08-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

God is great, he is one with a great mind. If fate and destiny was true, then God must have been ingenious to create a linkage of events. For example, doing something will cause something else to happen and so on.

A sequence of events. Everything that we do has a consequence. Which is why we have to think before doing something. Our decision is the outcome.

However, doesn't this contradict the fact that everything is pre-destined ? Life is contradicting. we usually don't practise what we preach. It's always easier to say than doing something , which links it up to responsibility.

Then again, what excatly is responsibility? doing something that you feel and know you have to do? someone teach me .

Today, there were a tonne of chinese homework. At least to me. My term " tonne " is just like a few questions. Probably due to the fact that i haven't recieve much homework at all for this year.

The teachers learnt the fact that given work will never be returned. But still, some of us feel its a responsibility to finish the work, and through our " determination " and of course lots of complains and grumblings ; we finish the work.

Yet, how feel actually bothers? It's not as if the teacher can chase you for something forever. He or she can just ignore and not be bothered with you. Afterall , the one on the losing end eventually will be you.

With a conclusion , i believe that we create our own future. . An outcome , we reap what we sow.

Thus, we shall work hard for our future !! aye..its corny ..

2004-08-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

People grow to appreciate things. That is probably how you differentiate adults from children and teenagers. One day, when you realise that you suddenly understand the meaning or purpose for something; is the day that you have probably matured.

The National Day rally is one thing that i cannot appreciate. Whereas, to many others, it is a appreciated talk. In time to come, i will learn the meaning of it, and appreciate it as well. Meanwhile, i would be sitting back and cursing the TV station for ruining my sunday night before returning to school on the next day.

The simple pleasures of life are really wonders. If you ask me, anything that kills time is really a wonder. Yet, something that makes time pass fast is not good. When we are doing something that we enjoy , or have to do and we do not complete in time , we will complain that there is not enough time.

This is where time management comes in. I've seen a couple of programmes held about time management but i've never really been interested in it.

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" a thousand words are not more than a good deed " i saw this while travelling in the MRT , one of the wise words by somebody. Well its true, action speaks louder than words. You can talk for nuts but nobody's going to care unless you do something that actually produces a result.

That is what i've learn. If you want something to happen , Do something about it. Don't just lay back and talk your mouth off. It doesnt work.

2004-08-21T23:36:00.000+08:00

Started the day with a early morning , had mock exams. Well , the reason we went to the Saturday mock exam's early in the morning was probably because we did not want to disappoint the teacher. I'm sure i'm speaking for all when i say this.

It's seen clearly that the mock exam does not help us big time. Not that the test doesn't help , but the environment. At times , we get serious and do work. But that only last for awhile. After that we talk and make merry again. And when the time comes to hand up, we copy work desperately. How can we learn like this ?

Still , it does help a little. " Practise makes perfect " , probably refering to this . Even with little practise , you get results . Only that its little results.

Yet, the problem lies in that if the teacher would implement discipline in this mock exams, and not allow anyone to communicate. It would have bored everyone out. With these push factors , including the fact that we have to come on a saturday morning ; who would want to come anymore? who would even care that the teacher will be disappointed?

Well , up till now ; it can be seen that there is no solution. Nothing is perfect , we have to give in as long as we want something else.

Anyways, after the exams, clifford and me went back first. We met in gaming land and had some fun before going out with fabian and ben. We were going to catch Alien Vs. Predator. Wasn't such a bad movie as the newspaper rated.

AVP was a action kind movie. You wouldn't miss it if you like action movies. The storyline wasn't really bad . Overall i would have given it 3 1/2 stars out of 5.

After the movie , met up with samuel and june liang. And we played lan for almost 2 hours. After all , this kind of meetings are bondings that we will remember once again ; after we leave the school.

2004-08-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

Writing and reading can improve a language. That's probably the reason the teacher encouraged us to blog . And of course , the reason that i started this blog.

I was also pretty much suprised and amused when the teacher said that. After all, i have that traditional mindset that school is all about a pen and a paper. Oh yes. Probably got me influenced due to too much writing.

The teacher also spotted that using the computer is much progressive than actually manual writing. Personally , i feel that our mistakes from writing comes when we think faster than we write. Whereas , on the computer we can do it at the same speed.

Yet with such facilities , there are still complaints. Probably , never ending problems. As in , when one problem is solved , we will not fail to find fault in something else. That is probably human nature.

Blogging in a long run is no easy feat. Especially when you're not writting about your day. Everything requires spurring. With no reason to push us on , its just meaningless to do anything. Personally , it's the competition among my friends that spur me on.

Infact, i would have given up a long time ago if i didn't have any friends that had same standards as me. Competing is just such a satisfying thing to do. The results you get can really make you feel good. So , thanks to my friends ; i don't fail english .

God bless you all.

2004-08-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

What's the thing that we always think about ...What's thinking about something that hasn't happened called? ... Imagination i supposed?

Well , being imaginative is good i suppose. Inventions started out with creativity , Life is boring without imagination. Imaginations sets ambitions. Ambitions leads to your career . At least thats what i think.

Anyways , the point is ; it seems that its easier to be paranoid than imaginative. Paranoid of this and that , of everything. That would'hv stung bad. Going overboard , being aware and scared of everything , aint that a lil' too much? . Hmm..i'm still thinking.

Pretty hard , it seems . Controlling how you feel and stuff. Another thing...Responsibility. Sometimes it's just sick and tiring to be responsible. After all , Do we live for others or for ourselves. No idea ...think about it.

I just remembered fabian saying " if you know what you do is wrong and you are going to apologise later , why do you still do it " . made me think about it for abit. Makes sense though.
Its either people who do it are desperate attention seekers ; or a total loser who needs a life - real bad. Anyways , some things are never done intentionally , while some are.

However , the lord is great and forgiving. Don't ask me why i'm saying this even when i'm a buddist. Cos' i don't know why either. I just feel that way.

2004-08-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

There's this feeling. A uneasy feeling. Clifford says he wouldn't be studying social studies. Oh yeah...he's confident all right. can't say the same for me though. I just don't feel right. I wan to study so badly ...yeah...and when i open my book ; my minds blank.

Yeap , follow my heart ..oh yeah..and then i just sit there staring at blank space. Forced myself to study though . What am i supposed to do? sleep early? worry tommorrow morning ? . I ain't gona run away from the problems . I'm gona face it. Sounds corny aye? Tell me about it.

Even if i study, i might not nessesary pass. why? i'm really...how do i put this . Its just like i'm going against myself. i'm sabotaging myself . oh yeah. If during an exam , i suddenly tell myself ; i'll fail , i can't do it . Boy oh Boy. i'm just gona sit there and panick . Thinking desperately , with only an empty picture in my brain. And the conclusion , i fail . Oh yes. This is life, My life.

Still , what really influence me is my friends. Most of them are studying , i don't wana be the odd one out. My decisions can be easily swayed by others. Don't ask me why , i'm just lucky i have'nt gone astray i guess.

Anyways , discussed all about a journal being few pages long with ford today. He says its all about writting your day down. and the next thing is to probably reflect your day i suppose.
Still, i'll try not to do that . After all the purpose of this blog was to improve my language.

Hope it works without me noticing. Cos' i ain't feeling any changes. Yeah.

2004-08-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

With comments to kum's post...Story reading can be really a interest , a time killer and of course a way to improve your language.

Most of the time however , i find myself reading books that i'm interested in . Rather than reading something for knowledge. It seems that i can't concentrate on something that i don't like. A moment or two of reading and my imagination runs wild .

Never once have i thought reading as a way to improve english. Reading is a wonder. It is a creation that has been bestowed on us. Rather than watching a television, Reading gives you a different feeling. This feeling enables you to feel that you are actually withnessing it . As if you were standing beside the scenario , watching the event. The thoughts are unexplainable and the descriptions given are beyond words .

On the other hand, you could say i'm fussy . I can't read books unless i buy them . Why?? its just because inconsiderate people that borrows from the library spoils the books there. I simply refuse to read a book that is torn and tattered ; with its colours fading .

As my age catergory of books grow , the prices increase as well. Nowadays , i can't afford to buy a book everyweek. I remembered when i was young. Where a book ( Enid byton ) was cheap, i bought loads of them . I would then lock myself in my room and let my imagination wander as far as possible. Those were the days..the carefree , anti-worrying days.

As time passed buy , the pile of enid byton books stacked up . There were probably about 50 over different books i bought or something. But now , i 'm way too old for them . A book that suits me now probably cost $20 - $30 . Ain't cheap , but there isn't another option.

So..i'm thinking of becoming an author instead of a reader.

2004-08-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

Took a look at the list of hardwares , realised my computer sucks badly. Oh yes , i wana get a $4000 computer or something , but first earn money. And it all comes down to your education.

Studying to determine your future. How much you earn concludes in how your life is going to be.
Money , Money , Money . Oh yes , money does wonders. Seriously , i need someone to crack this into my head. Make me feel like a nerd , make studying my passion.

oh boy i'm not getting it , no inspiration , no motivation , no nothing. I see no point of being forced to study. It just ain't my cup of tea. Personally , without the ' feel ' to study ..i would'hv just been sitting there staring at the book for a moment or two ; then look outside and my imagination starts running wild.

Perhaps an ambition can help someone to achieve their goal. No idea why , but it doesn't work for me. i feel that having an ambition is just unrealistic. i'd rather work for something , and boy am i impatient ..i love to see immediate results . Oh yeah , teach me to wait .

Yet , it works for most people i suppose. Or perhaps its just empty words. Infact most stuff are just an empty shell. Its just the believe that pushes us on.

i'm a person who follows my heart than my mind. Or maybe most of us are , otherwise believes and promises wouldn't exist then...

2004-08-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

had a pretty tiring day today ..so i'll make it short. Was Gramp's birthday , family went to picnic at east coast . my Joker uncle was there early to book the place and the rest of us just met up at about 3 pm.

I was made the labourer , carried the table , the chair , the food and the radio. Somehow i manage to stumble across the place and reached the destinations with aching arms . But anyway the pain died off soon and i was rewarded with the nice breeze which lasted the entire day, the senaric views and the calm sounds of the waves.

Half of the day i spend my time going back into my childhood. I digged a hole about 30 cms deep into the ground... then asked my little cousins to go in for a surprise...as little kids they were curious ..and oh my a nice suprise when they got in ; i flooded em with sand and burying them. Then i rush and took water and splash it all over to make it harder for them to come out .
Oh boy , it was fun you bet.

Thats about all.... most of the time just sat there listening to the music and watching the waves splashed .... had a tiring day ; i was the labourer .

2004-08-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

Time passes quickly this year. No idea why...in just a blink of an eye , its already August. Prelims' are nearing and very soon , it will be over. Yet , i am totally unprepared ... its just like i'm not motivated . Its just so weird, sometimes , i wonder how did i get to today , with all my slackings.

Who doesn't like to slack? i'll probably win an award for it or something .. Anyways , it seems that the more occupied with things you are , you won't notice that time is passing . We complain when we have too much time and complain when we have not enough time to do our stuff. Sometimes , forgoing sleep is just necessary. Even so , 15 years on earth and i rarely find the need to do it.

Wonder if i'm gonna miss school , and i probably will only miss the students and teachers . Not the school , Not now and never . But i know , somehow time is going to prove me wrong in one way or another. Still , i haven't learned how to treasure something , after time passes quickly when you're doing something you like . Since when bliss was long lasting ....

Thats bout' all ...goin for a picnic tomorrow even though i should be studying... cya-

2004-08-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

Does strict rules , really bound the rebellious side of a person? Apparently , it does excatly the opposite. School rules were implemented to keep students out of trouble. OR keep the school's reputation clean.

If you ask me , i would see it as a cycle. Irrational hot headed students , gets into trouble with a teacher; Gets punish ; Gets more rebellious ; and it starts all over again. so whats the point? In the first place , if another way of approach was used , would the student even get into trouble? But then again , there are students who are knuckle heads . which in turn caused strict school rules to be implemented.

Again , Rules were made to be broken. So what the heck?

I would also love to know , what kind of students teacher fear most? i'm sure they do not fear hot headed students ; after all teachers get chances to punish them , shouldn't they be happy? What about students, who remain calm and create friction between the teacher . Answering the teacher in a rude manner , the most the teacher can do is to give light punishments such as detention. So whats the answer? i would love to know.

*************

" Ignorance is bliss ". Oh yes , since when knowing too much was good? If i was given an opportunity , i would rather be kept in the dark for everything. Then , i can just stay naive and live my life in smiles? ya probably it'll work. Certain things can be real painful to know , while some would be a pity not to know.

Man is fickle , hardly satisfied with what we posses.

2004-08-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

happy birthday singapore....9th august . There were many people on the field who had practised for way longer than their time peforming. and , their hardwork all comes down to today , where they will perform and bring glory to the people celebrating as well.

If you ask me , bliss always seems to last shorter than pain. " Treasure what you have and you won't live to regret " .If this sentence was ever true , someone please tell me the meaning of " treasure " . Often , people live to regret any wrong doings before. Yet how many people realise the true meaning of life?

Is life only about living and parting?

i wouldn't want to live for just a cycle of life and death . What difference would it make from a human and a robot then. Sounds like a saddist? no idea if you ask me cus' i'm still searching for my answer and reason.

Anyways there were times in life , where someone remembers . Some times in life that already passed ; happy memories. But still , doesnt that bring pain too? pain when you wished those times were re-occuring.

and do anyone believe in retribution? after all , what goes around , comes around.

I do believe in retribution but i feel its too strong a word. I would have prefered something like " you reap what you sow " ...as in , whatever that you do now , will be affected in the future. Its just like , bullying a nerd in your school and then when you go into the society , it just so happens that his your boss and he does the same back to you.

The complications of life , yet can be simple . I can't tell for now . I'm still searching for an answer and reason.

2004-08-09T00:22:00.000+08:00

its 12.21 AM now...but i'm writting for Sunday. Had a pretty nice day today , especially the 2nd half of the day. Went with samuel , june liang , fabian to airport to send the japanese guest off. Before that , we met Fabian at TM and we played games there. After playing outrun 2 , the outcome was determined ; accompanied by a supportive statement from fabian ; i will be a " GREAT " driver next time. One that will never fail to crash within 1 km of travel. Anyways , we went to play world combat next , a 4 player gun game that involves shooting down zombies or something. and yes , i do have great friends .

Soon , we left tampines for the airport. won't talk about the rest anymore ... anyways...God is great. Whether he really does exist or not . i'm not critising or pointing out to anything but ; God is great because he is a believe. What i'm trying to say is .... when people have something to believe in , they will probably have more confidence in doing something.( my thinking ) .

i'm really feelin shitty to be typing anymore , cya-

2004-08-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

went out with fabian , samuel , benjamin and clifford today to watch the show "Village" . I had to go out ,
otherwise i would have died at home; hated the holidays. Personally , i feel the story line really blows , other parts were pretty okay . Met the guys at pasir ris interchange , i went late on purpose , but somehow they were later . After we met up , we got into a train . On the way to city hall , a lady came in and squish herself beside me. When i say squish i do mean squish. It was hell uncomfortable . A person like her sitting beside me just makes a fat guy like me look skinny . Anyways , after reaching and buying the movie tickets , we walk all over the place to have lunch . On the way , we met grace and her sister .After chatting for abit , we continue to find a place to eat . In the end we settled at down, Benjamin had taco , clifford had zinger , Samuel had some chicken set or something ..and fabian and I had cheese fries.

While eating, i thought about the drink refilling system. Being able to refill non stop for free ; wouldn't a typical singaporean just camp there and keep drinking? well , i decided to drop on the topic after awhile , since someone told me that you will be chased out or something. After we were done with eating , we decided to head back to the cinema . Before that , fab and company went to refill the cup before leaving , while i got addicted with the cheese fries and went to buy more ; for the cinema.

***************
In the cinema , after we all settled down , we saw another bunch of 20+ yr old guys and gals . and guess what? they were behaving like kids. Squishing on each other and so on , at that point clifford and i agreed that we werent childish no more . anyways they manage to settle down after awhile of hasseling. An the most important event of the day ; I lost my handphone in the cinema . And i didn't even realise it , until i was informed by another friend . Anyway the point here is ; the manager actually kept my phone for me . I can't tell how much gratefulness i held then. May this man get blessed. Lastly , this is the first entry that i wrote about my day . Thats all for now.

2004-08-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes...when i'm alone..just sitting there thinking... i get something through my mind. Something that i never think about on any other days , and i decided to call it a vision .

Upon reading clifford's blog about the reflection of death...it set my mind running . we are all selfish people. Everything requires a sacrifice. To do something or gain something , you would actually have to pay a price. Whether unwilling or willing , unknowingly or knowingly....

Upon the word death , which people do fear. When you die , the pain there is compared between you and ur love ones. I do not know how to put it. Whenever someone dear leaves , the pain is always inflicted on someone close. I do not know much about the after life , but i do know that the ones beside will feel pain as well .

Yet , to do something noble and wise ; to not let people grieve over your death. I can currently only think of 2 methods. One is to convince people not to feel sad and to be happy over your death . The other is make others hate you before u leave the world. Doing something like this , making sacrifices is no easy feat . Not many can do it and neither can I .

Perhaps these " visions " are just due to television . I don't know why i feel like this at times. I rather never grow up than face reality that it is a cruel world out there. Perhaps one day , we will understand one another fully...

2004-08-06T17:26:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how it would be like to die?.. try looking out the window to the ground from 9 story or someting...i suppose , to die is to end all memory.. those sad ones and happy ones too ...

Ever wondered how it felt to hit the floor from 9 stories high? , would it hurt or how can you feel it on ur verge of death , you won't die immediately , but during the time after you hit the ground and still alive for a split second , how would you feel? , would it be more painful than u were alive before? ...tell me about it...

Sometimes being patient can be really useful , it really straightens out thinkings and really lead to another useful solution. However , in this realistic society , how many people would feel this way? Its mostly thinking about earning money , money and more money. Does money really buy everything? well .. it works well with most situations i suppose.

For example , if you have some disease or someting , you'll need money to get better ; going for operations etc, and also.. if u're on a date with someone , you'll need it too . Buying Gifts to impress someone and in this realistic society who the heck doesn't want money , you tell me . Yet , there are problems that money can't solve . The almighty " money " can't solve how you feel and so , if u're feeling really really sad , what can money do . you'll already be feeling to moodless to be buying or gloating over someting . Too much money isn't good , yet too little isn't good either , it just shows how hard to satisfy a human . Hopefully , one day there will be a creation or even an Event that really satisfies all , this will then put the human race to a stop to environmental destruction , where people research , create and do all sorts of harmful experiments to the Earth.

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i was just sitting there and thinking...who do we live for? if the answer is for ourselves , why do we still feel pain and sadness . I probably wouldn't know the right answer till i've really experience it myself . Even so , most of us still have to go through this phase of life . Probably everyone , would have experience it . Imagine the knowledge that those wise men have . The Depth of their knowledge can be infinite . What would it take to really get wise , to understand another human fully? To be generous and helpful ? To learn to treasure others and never regret? There are tons of questions in my mind now and i realise i can't find an answer to anyone of them.

Anyways , its ironic that i actually hate holidays , since young , i've always love them and of course never expected to actually like going to school . Well wish me luck on my 4 days of holiday. I already feel like dieing on the first day....

2004-08-05T14:43:00.000+08:00

Singaporean kids do not have much knowledge. Today , a japanese guy came to our class for cultural exchange. However , our singaporean students treated him as an extinct animal from mars . Most of us were practically staring at him , of course shy when he was asked to introduce himself. Using a language not often practised in life to introduce urself is no easy feat. Most of us probably would have shaked till we died on the spot or something.

Anyways , he did just that ..and towards the end of the class , he amused us with items that he brough along, i'd say japan has really good technology , and as for why? its for you to find out and for me to know. Towards the end of the class , he took photo with 1 of our female classmates , and her face blushed like a baboon's ass ( he put his arm over her shoulders) . I suppose japanese are more open , whereas singaporeans are more sensitive.

that's about all...i 'm not feeling very nice in terms of mood now...so cya...

2004-08-04T14:35:00.000+08:00

Simple things such as a meal or two can satisfy a hungry person in poor countries. However this does not apply to singaporean , especially kids. Now that the country's economy is improved compared to the past , demands are increasing at a rapid speed.

In my school, there are computers in the classroom. This is perhaps to first time that i've seen computers in classrooms and not to mention being able to use it. In year 2004 , we have computers which are probably meant to be use for study purposes ( what i think ) . However , our class uses it to listen to music and i'm just like...Wow. After a short while of " far sighted " thinkings , i wonder what will students in the future get. maybe by the year of 5000 , when my body would be buried or burned for a thousands of years , people would be floating around ; using gravitational force to travel. OR ... perhaps i'm watching too much television .

Anyways , we had fun with the computer. Still , i sense that 1 fine day, a mofo in our class will spoil the computer. We have a bad mindset of whatever that doesn't belong to us means that we do not need to take care of. This is how vandalism occurs , hopefully 1 day , our mind set will be influenced and changed for the better ; cause i vandalise too . well that's all for today ..i guess...

Life's jus boring at times

2004-08-03T15:45:00.000+08:00

another day at school...just the same old boring day..except that assembly was a LITTLE worth mentioning.
The monkey first started out by making us do all sorts of " discipline acts" such as raising hands and putting finger on the lips to keep us quiet and to get our attention. * i think hes a desperate attention seeker* After that he told us about the assembly being splited into 2 parts , the drugs talk and the discipline Q & A part...

well , to be honest , i slept through the entire drugs part and only woke up at the 2nd part...it was pretty fun hearing about all kinds of questions students ask even when they knew they can't change the rule. As usual the teachers gave us crappy and unsatisfied answers. Anyways , there were all sorts of crappy question and answers about our uniform and all secondary 1s wearing the same school uniform , socks and shoes.

This set me thinking , singapore's a democratic country right? , so why do we have to wear the same things , especially for my school which even include the shoes and socks. Personally , i feel its sort of like being a democratic country practising communism , well after all our principal is from china or someting. well of course , my evil friend did treat this as sort of a debate session and decided to not help the lower secs to have a better life ; like what the upper sec did to us.

Besides this , i feel that the assembly is just a waste of time . I do not take drugs and i won't take them , so why is the monkey trying to waste my time , i could have spend it revising someting or even reading something. One day perhaps , someone might just take in drugs because he can't stand the school preaching about not taking it.

Even as i complain about the teacher's attitude , infact being dissatisfied with almost everything in the whole wide world , i know at times , i can somehow feel how it would be like to be in their shoes , to try and help the younger generation . But yet , after messing with my thinkings for awhile , i decided not to give a hoot and wait till i have to face these problems.

2004-08-03T14:53:00.000+08:00

...well its a new blog...with the help of clifford kum , i managed to at last get a blog. Well , its a fact that i suck at HTML , and i know it . I don't even have the basic knowledge of it. well the funny part is that some people actually are damn good at it, no idea why though.

* Lookin For 24/7 HTML teacher *

Well this blog was personally meant to improve English , however i think i would not be able to keep a strain on myself..and would probably go out of point which i always do. Sad to say the reason why i'm doing this is because my english ain't good enough. and through the many methods of improving english , i thought this might work . well at least clifford 's doing almost the same thing. Then , i won't be the only loser around .

well , this is just the start of the blog....hope i can keep it updated . cya -